I'm not one to take things personally. I have a very laid back personality and usually let things slide off my back but for some reason this one didn't want to slide off as easily. Instead it went the opposite way and festered into my brain and hatched unpleasant thoughts about myself and for what reason? 

I'm sick of being valued by what I've accomplished or what some would appoint as lack thereof. Some little remark that was made to me, (mind you, it wasn't even a direct remark to me) and maybe could have been unintentional but nevertheless made me feel insignificant.  

I sometimes even feel judged, by people I consider to be closest to me. I too, am guilty of this. I will always be guilty of this. Everyone will be, even the ones who consider themselves "the least judgmental person," has judged someone in their life. 

I am nanny. I am going to school. Honestly, it took me longer to ground myself and figure out what I wanted to do but I've come to terms with that. I used to beat myself up for not being finished with school by now and it kills me but at the end of the day it doesn't define me. Yes, I watch children full-time. Is it my passion? Is it something I want to be doing in the future? Absolutely not. I have different goals and aspirations. Yet again, that doesn't define me. I work hard. Regardless of the endless comments about how easy my job is, I let those remarks roll off my back because they don't walk in my shoes or see what I do everyday. I also know my job has a lot of perks. It isn't as mentally draining as a lot of jobs and I am quite blessed. Yet, sometimes I am made to feel insignificant, even though I make more money than some of my friends who are graduated with "real" jobs. Me referencing income is not to compare or "throw it back" but to question, if success isn't measured by money than what is it? It's also not meant to say that success is only measured by money because quite frankly I don't believe that. It's to make people think that maybe because you're in another place than I am, doesn't mean you're above me, just like money doesn't make anyone stand above you either. (Some could argue that but I feel like integrity is the only attribute to stand above the rest.) I pay all of my bills myself and here I stand feeling like a spec of dust in caparison to some of my peers. What is socially acceptable to be socially accepted? 

I hate that I feel the need to defend myself. I hate that I'm not exactly where I want to be, which is maybe the reason I feel the need to defend myself. I know one thing for certain, I am happy where I am. I am able to take care of myself, save money and work for a wonderful family. Quite frankly, I feel like friends, out of anyone, should stand by each other and not make each other feel that their value is in line with if they have a "real job" or have graduated college. (Obviously you shouldn't stand by a friend who is dealing meth and is making questionable life decisions.) I find both extremely important and I want to be there but in the mean time, I want to be looked at as everything I know that I am. I think I've grown to be a lot of admirable things even though I have a long way ahead.

I'm keeping my head held high, even in times I want to look at the ground, I know I can trust my feet to take me where I want to go.